Grow a Pair

Grow a Pair is one of Larry Winget’s later books. Gotham Books published it in September 2013, a short hardcover of about 160 pages, with an audiobook edition alongside. Its subject is victimhood: the habit of seeing yourself as someone things happen to, and the culture that encourages it.

The publisher is careful to explain the title. Everyone has heard the phrase, but Winget’s advice isn’t about anatomy. In the book’s words, “Growing a pair is a state of mind, an attitude, and a way of thinking.”

The diagnosis

Harvey Mackay, reviewing the book in his syndicated column the week it came out, summed up Winget’s starting point: people will do anything and everything they can until someone stops them. The fix is to let people get away with less, which means no longer tolerating stupidity, poor performance and bad behavior, starting with your own and moving out to your family, co-workers and employees.

Winget lays part of the blame on entitlement culture. The publisher says he takes on that culture, the self-help movement and political correctness, and challenges the positive-attraction and law-of-attraction gurus with a commonsense approach. Publishers Weekly, in a skeptical review, noted his argument that a sentimental, therapeutic culture has taught people they are owed things.

What the ten chapters cover

The book moves from the problem, to a self-test, to how to change, and then applies the idea to each part of life:

1. The Problem
2. Do You Have a Pair?
3. How Do You Grow a Pair?
4. Grow a Pair with Your Money
5. Grow a Pair in Business
6. Grow a Pair at Home
7. Be a Citizen with a Pair
8. The Benefits of Growing a Pair
9. The Side Effects of Having a Pair
10. Final Thoughts

“Do You Have a Pair?” is a quiz. Mackay quotes some of the questions: do you allow people to take advantage of you, do you pick up the slack for lazy co-workers, do you compromise your opinions to get along? On the other side: do you stand up for yourself and your beliefs even in the face of conflict, and do you speak up when you see someone else being mistreated?

Winget on the book

In a September 2013 interview with Early To Rise, Winget said the book is about refusing to become a victim. Bullies, he said, will always exist at work, on the road and online. He suggested writing down on a blank sheet the four or five things you will never compromise on. He also described how he circled the wagons when his speaking bookings fell during the recession, reassessing his business and building other income, a story the book tells too.

Two of his lines from that interview capture the tone: “I can’t demand respect from you but I can refuse to be disrespected by you,” and “You never go along to get along.”

The practical advice is direct. “No one ever wrote down a plan to be fat, broke, stupid, lazy, unhappy, and mediocre,” Winget writes, and “Priorities determine your actions, and your actions determine your results.”

Who should read Grow a Pair?

It suits readers who keep waiting for someone else to fix their situation, people who let co-workers, customers or family walk over them, and anyone who wants a fast, blunt push toward standing up for themselves. The chapters on money, business, home and citizenship make it broader than the title suggests. Readers put off by the title will likely be put off by the rest; Winget doesn’t sugar-coat, and he isn’t afraid to make people uncomfortable.

Where this book fits in Winget’s work

It comes after his run of responsibility books on life, work, money and parenting, and widens the target from personal habits to the culture around them. The earlier books concentrate on the excuses people make for themselves; this one goes after the excuses the culture hands them.

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