I share my own stories in interviews, for two reasons.
When a client is stuck on a question, a short story of mine gives them an example to work from. And at the start, a story breaks the ice. I keep them short, not too personal, and never emotional. Clients like it, and none has ever complained.
There’s a line, though, and some ghostwriters cross it. A former nurse recording her memoir notices by the fifth session that her ghostwriter is doing half the talking. He tells stories about his own divorce and his own summer jobs, and the hour keeps ending before she reaches the part of her life she came to talk about. (She’s a composite; the details are altered, the situation is common.) She doesn’t want to be rude. So she says nothing, and dreads each session.
Is it normal for a ghostwriter to share personal stories?
A little, yes. Some sharing helps an interview. A nervous author relaxes when the ghostwriter admits to a similar mistake. A memory surfaces when the ghostwriter shares a parallel experience. A brief story can show that the ghostwriter understands the world the author is describing.
The test is whether the story serves the author’s book. A thirty-second story that gets you talking about something important is good interviewing. A ten-minute story that leaves you listening is the ghostwriter taking up your time. I think the ten-minute story is a quiet form of disrespect, even when it’s charming. The author is paying for the ghostwriter’s attention, and a writer who spends that attention on himself is taking an hour the author can’t get back.
How much should a ghostwriter talk during interviews?
Far less than you. The ghostwriter’s words in an interview should mostly be questions, follow-ups and short reflections that show they understood. As a rough guide, if you’re doing well under three-quarters of the talking over a session, something is off.
Good interviewers ask open questions, wait through silences, and follow the thread you start instead of steering toward topics they find interesting. They’ll sometimes interrupt to clarify a date or a name, or to pull you back when you’ve wandered. They won’t use your session as a place to tell their own life story.
| Area | Healthy | Problem |
|---|---|---|
| Story length | A thirty-second story that gets you talking | A ten-minute story that leaves you listening |
| Purpose | Breaks the ice, gives an example when you’re stuck, shows understanding | The ghostwriter telling their own life story |
| Share of talking | Mostly your voice; the ghostwriter asks questions and follow-ups | You do well under three-quarters of the talking |
| Recordings | Full of your material | Half full of the wrong person’s stories |
| Drafts | Your life, ideas and voice only | The ghostwriter’s stories, opinions or phrases appear |
| First call | Mostly questions about you, your book and your audience | Twenty minutes on their own career or famous clients |
| After you raise it | One friendly sentence fixes it | It keeps happening, a sign about the fit |
Am I paying for the time my ghostwriter spends talking about themselves?
Yes, in effect. Whether you pay by the project, by the month or by the hour, interview time is a scarce resource in a ghostwriting project. Every hour of the ghostwriter talking is an hour of your material that never gets recorded. That’s a bigger deal than it seems. A book is built from what’s in the recordings. If the recordings are half full of the wrong person’s stories, the ghostwriter has less to work with, and the book will feel thinner, however well it’s written.
After every session I send the client a summary document built from the transcript, and a summary shows you exactly whose session it was. If half of it were about me, I’d consider that hour wasted on the client’s side, and I’d expect the client to be annoyed.
Will my ghostwriter’s stories end up in my book?
Every hour of the ghostwriter talking is an hour of your material that never gets recorded.
They shouldn’t. Your book is about your life, your ideas and your voice. A professional ghostwriter keeps their own experiences out of it entirely, except in rare cases where you’ve asked for something specific and agreed to it.
If a draft ever includes a story, an opinion or a turn of phrase that came from the ghostwriter’s life, point it out and ask for it to be removed. A writer who plants his own life in your memoir has forgotten whose name is on the cover, and you’re entitled to have it taken out without a debate.
How do I politely tell my ghostwriter to focus on me?
Kindly, early and with details. Most ghostwriters who talk too much don’t realize they’re doing it, and a simple comment fixes it.
You might say, “I’m enjoying our sessions, and I want to make sure we get through everything I need to cover. Could we keep the next few focused on my story?”
Or, in the moment, “That’s a good story. Can I get back to what happened after the second shift?” Or bring a list of topics to each session and steer toward it.
Most ghostwriters will take that well, and plenty will thank you, since they want a good book as much as you do. If you’re uncomfortable raising it in a session, put it in an email.
Is a ghostwriter who talks too much a red flag?
Once, no. Every ghostwriter has an off day. A pattern that continues after you’ve raised it is a real concern, for two reasons.
It wastes your time and your money, because the recordings the book depends on get thinner.
And it suggests the ghostwriter’s attention is on themselves. That shows up in the writing too: a ghostwriter who can’t stop talking in interviews has trouble keeping their own voice out of your drafts. My article on what happens when your ghostwriter changes your voice covers that problem.
If it doesn’t improve after a clear, friendly conversation, it’s reasonable to question the fit. My article on ending a ghostwriting project mid-stream covers how to do that without losing your material.
What should a good ghostwriting interview feel like?
Like the best conversation you’ve had about your own life. You should leave a session a little tired, having talked more than you expected to, and surprised at what came out. You should feel heard. The ghostwriter’s questions should have pushed you into places you’d skipped past for years. If your sessions feel like that, you’re in good hands. If you walk out knowing more about your ghostwriter’s divorce than he knows about your childhood, something has gone wrong, and fixing it is his job.
How can I tell whether a ghostwriter is a good listener before hiring them?
Pay attention on the first call. A good ghostwriter spends most of it asking about you: your book, your goals, your audience, your story. They describe their process briefly and clearly when you ask. They don’t spend twenty minutes on their own career or their famous clients.
Ask how they run interviews, how long sessions last, and what share of the time they expect you to be talking. Ask references how the interviews felt. And if the first call leaves you knowing more about the ghostwriter than they know about you, take that seriously.
My take
Interviews are your time, and a writer who fills them with his own life is spending your money. A short story to loosen you up is fine. Twenty minutes on his divorce isn’t. Redirect him once, politely, with specifics. If it keeps happening, that tells you about the fit. Check before you hire. A first call where you learn more about the writer than he learns about you is a warning.
What should you say the first time a session drifts?
Say it early and kindly, with specifics, and bring a short list of topics to each session so you have something to steer toward. Most ghostwriters who talk too much don’t realize they’re doing it, and one friendly sentence fixes it. The ones who keep doing it after you’ve asked are telling you where their attention is, and I wouldn’t hand my life story to someone whose attention is on himself.
If you’d like to see how I run interviews before committing to a full book, the Book Discovery Intensive includes ten hours of them and a sample chapter built from what you said. My ghostwriting services are the next step when you’re ready.
Interviews should be about you, and a good ghostwriter keeps them there. The Ghostwriting Advantage explains how the process works, so you can spot a session drifting off course.
