I’m an introvert. I’ve always been an introvert. In college I worked multiple jobs, kept my head down, and rarely asked anyone for anything. Relationships didn’t come naturally. Asking for help felt like admitting weakness.
That approach nearly cost me everything. Abandoning it built a career that took me from rookie coder to Director of Computer Operations and Technical Services at Trader Joe’s, managing technology for a $16 billion retail chain. After that, it built a ghostwriting business with 54+ ghostwritten books and 113+ books of my own.
Every major opportunity in my career came through networking. Not the glad-handing, business-card-swapping kind. The kind where you build real relationships with people over time and those relationships open doors you didn’t even know existed.
The Dinner That Changed Everything
No amount of event attendance or LinkedIn connecting replaces the fundamental reality that your reputation is your network.Share on X
Right out of college, I attended an industry convention. I ended up at a dinner table with people I had no business sitting next to, including pioneers who had built the first programming languages for Digital Equipment Corporation. I was a kid with a degree and no connections.
They were legends in the field. For more, see What Happens to a Residential Agent’s Business One, Three, and Five Years After a Book.
One of the people at that convention was Fred, the founder of Software Techniques, Inc. He had also been my teacher. What I didn’t know was that a trusted colleague had been telling Fred about my work. The dinner gave Fred a chance to see me interact with senior professionals, and a few days later he offered me a job.
I went from college student to professional in a matter of days because someone I had never asked for help had been watching my work on someone else’s recommendation. That’s networking, and it had nothing to do with schmoozing or self-promotion. Someone respected my work, mentioned it to someone who mattered, and an opportunity appeared.
I almost missed it entirely because I was too introverted to put myself in those situations deliberately. The dinner was a fluke. The career it launched wasn’t.
From Coder to Director: What Networking Did
Over the next two decades I climbed from that first job to Vice President of Consulting at Beck Computer Systems, and eventually to Director of Computer Operations and Technical Services at Trader Joe’s. Every step happened because I gradually learned what my introversion had been preventing me from doing. Building relationships with people who could help me and whom I could help in return.
At Trader Joe’s, networking wasn’t optional. Managing technology for a $16 billion operation meant I needed relationships with vendors, consultants, department heads, and executives across the company. Problems that would have taken weeks to solve through official channels got resolved in days because I’d built trust with the right people over years of consistent, reliable interaction.
The pattern was always the same. Do good work. Be reliable. Help people when they need it without keeping score. Over time, those people become your network because they know from experience that you deliver. Collecting their contact information at an event has nothing to do with it.
How did networking build Richard Lowe’s ghostwriting business?
When I transitioned from Trader Joe’s to ghostwriting, I started from zero. No clients, no reputation in the writing industry, no portfolio of published books under my own name. What I had was twenty years of professional relationships and the understanding that networking is how opportunities find you.
My first ghostwriting client came through a connection. So did my second. And my fifth. And my twentieth. I lost the comfort of a paycheck every couple of weeks and gained the freedom to make my own, and at first that was very upsetting. I used to be painfully shy, and I didn’t build relationships at all because I didn’t know they mattered. Years later, at a company I worked for, I set up a standing slot in another department’s operations meetings. They resented it at first, then saw the advantage of a knowledge expert in the room who didn’t give a hoot about their office politics, and I was accepted. Titles didn’t tell you who had the power, either. In one company the operations director had more real power than the VP of operations, because she was the one who did the work and assigned the people. Any operations problem, even an engineering one, went to her. A warehouse is down? She’d tell you to do this and this and this, and she had the answer.
My networking had one big hole, and it’s probably the number one reason I eventually left. People knew who I was by name, but they didn’t know me. My networking stayed at my level. So when my boss was gone and a sour new boss came in, there was nobody to turn to. If I could do it over, I’d put a lot of my attention into going in to talk to the CEO and building up a relationship.
Find out who the power centers are wherever you work. It’s probably not your boss. It might be the secretary who controls all communication to everybody, and she can hang up on anyone she wants. I found that out. A receptionist can have more power than almost anybody. If you don’t recognize where the power sits, you’re in trouble, and sometimes all it takes is lunch with the right person a few times.
Fifty-four ghostwriting projects later, referrals and relationships still drive the business. A Fortune 50 executive in Europe became my first client under The Writing King brand. That project produced a book that helped him raise $30 million in venture capital. He told people. Those people told people. The network expanded.
A CIO who spent his career at PepsiCo, Tropicana, and Dr Pepper Snapple Group found me and hired me to help with a book.
A brain surgeon trusted me with his memoir about the human mind. A Canadian tech entrepreneur’s book led to a TEDx talk. None of these clients found me through advertising. They found me through relationships, through referrals, through the network that builds itself when you do good work and treat people well.
What Do Introverts Get Wrong About Networking?
Extroverts write most networking advice for extroverts. Work the room. Hand out cards. Follow up within 48 hours. Attend three events a week.
That advice made me want to stay home and never talk to anyone again.
People knew who I was by name, but they didn’t know me.
What works for introverts is simpler and more sustainable. For more on relationship-based selling, see Richard’s interview with Matt Biggar. Do excellent work. Be the person others can rely on. I’m very much a hermit. I call myself an extroverted introvert, because the hard part is getting there, and once I’m there I have fun for a few hours before my social battery dies. An all-day networking event wouldn’t work for me. I can’t last the day. One networking group I tried reminded me of a cult. Members referred to each other as brother, and you were expected to owe people things. That culture wasn’t for me.
When someone asks for help, give it without calculating what you’ll get in return. Have real conversations with people about things that matter instead of performing a rehearsed elevator pitch at a mixer.
The relationships that have mattered most in my career were formed in the work itself, and none of them started at a networking event. Colleagues who watched me solve problems. Clients who saw results. Peers who knew that when I committed to something it got done. Those relationships compounded over decades, and they’re still producing opportunities today.
I’m still an introvert. I still don’t love walking into a room full of strangers. But I’ve learned that networking doesn’t require you to become someone you’re not. It requires you to be consistently good at what you do and to treat the people around you well enough that they remember you when opportunities arise.
What Is the One Networking Rule That Matters?
Give before you ask. Help people with no expectation of return, and the relationships take care of the rest. (See also Ron Sukenick’s Networking Your Way to Success)
| Principle | What it looks like |
|---|---|
| Do excellent work | People talk about you and refer you |
| Be reliable | People trust you with bigger opportunities |
| Help without keeping score | They help you when it matters most |
| Give before you ask | The relationships take care of the rest |
| Find the power centers | Often not your boss; sometimes the receptionist |
| Build relationships above your level | Talk to the CEO, not only your peers |
| Have real conversations | Skip the rehearsed elevator pitch |
Matt Hawksley built his second career on that idea. After twenty years in supply chain logistics, he spent 40 days traveling across the US and Canada meeting entrepreneurs, and the people he met became the runway for his firm. “It’s just the power of people,” he told me on Leaders and Their Stories. “It’s the power of taking that chance.”
From the podcast
Anthony Markey built a podcast out of the same instinct, and describes the rule that made it work on Leaders and Their Stories:
I’m a firm believer in trying to add value to everybody that I meet. If I can, I will.He can only sell to companies over twenty-five employees, which is almost nobody in a networking room. So he stopped sorting for prospects.
Every networking strategy I’ve ever encountered can be reduced to a single principle. Be someone worth referring.
If your work is excellent, people talk about you. If you’re reliable, people trust you with bigger opportunities. If you help others without keeping score, they help you when it matters most. No amount of event attendance or LinkedIn connecting replaces the fundamental reality that your reputation is your network.
I built a 20-year career at a widely respected national retail chain and then a ghostwriting business with 54+ ghostwritten books and 113+ books of my own on the same principle. Do the work. Treat people well. Let the network build itself.
If you’re interested in working together, whether on a ghostwriting project or book coaching, start with a conversation. You can also explore my case studies to see the range of projects that networking has brought to my door. And if you want to go deeper on networking strategy without the usual platitudes, my Networking Without the BS handbook covers everything I’ve learned about building real professional relationships over four decades.
My take
Skip the networking events if you hate them. I’m an introvert, and the relationships that built my career came out of the work itself, from colleagues who watched me solve problems and clients who saw results. Be someone worth referring. Do excellent work, help people without keeping score, and give before you ask. A reputation built that way lasts for decades, and no stack of LinkedIn connections replaces it.
Business Networking FAQ
I tell the story of an introverted computer guy learning to build relationships that hold in Networking Without the BS. It starts with one Friday night at Trader Joe’s when I had nobody to call.
One-on-one conversations used to be hard for me, especially with people who had big titles. Years ago I’d have backed away from a chance to talk to a famous billionaire CEO, and now I’d say hi, ask how he’s doing and not care a bit about the title. In January 2025 I went to my first external event in a year, a cybersecurity conference in Tampa. I’m not someone who loves getting out, but I had a lot of fun and came home with a lot of contacts, and I didn’t die. It gets easier with familiarity, the same way it did when I was out photographing three or four times a week. Sales is still hard for me. I’m an introvert, and marketing and sales don’t come naturally to me, but you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. Something I learned late is that the company you keep shapes the results you get. If you want to get rich, spend time with rich people, and if you want to quit drinking, stay away from people who drink.
