Keya Murthy Reveals: 6 Powerful Ways to Navigate Life’s Waves
Keya Murthy, M.S., C.Ht., is an alchemist, a master agent of transformation. People talk about change, and this is an illusory process. President Obama campaigned and won the election on the theme of change. Keya wonders about how much the world changed in those years under his presidency. She is one hundred percent sure that the President left the White House himself a changed man.
Most people want things to change without having to change themselves. The truth is for things to change you have to change. No change happens in your life unless you change within yourself.
The word change is a superficial process, an ego-driven mental journey. Those on the path of personal transformation know that nothing changes without you paying the price. Trying to change anything or anyone is a battle you lose even before you begin.
The only change that occurs is when you change the way you look at things. Then things seem different because you have changed.
Change at the inner level is transformation and it is hard. You need the courage to undergo this level of change.
Everyone feels fear, the courageous few do things despite their fear. And when they put one foot in front of the other, suddenly they feel supported.
The harder and longer you stick to the process of letting go of the past, you transform from within. The world around you keeps changing directly proportional to your rate of personal transformation.
You begin to feel seen, heard, understood, and supported. You find it easier to be compassionate, forgive, heal, and love.
Healing, my friend is a lifelong journey, just like growing up. Growing up is a spiritual process, your evolutionary journey which you embark on and stick to through choice.
On the other hand, growing old is a physical process that no one escapes. It is guaranteed to lead all of us on a one-way road toward the inevitable end – death.
As you heal, you grow up, you transform.
Your life is like a wave. A wave goes up and down and always forward. The higher it goes, the lower it falls. And when it goes up a wee bit, it comes down a wee bit.
Life is nothing more than a roller coaster of ups and downs until one day it will flat line for each of us. At that moment we are no longer alive. The guy you were meant to be will meet the guy you have become and both of you will say “Hello” to the other and ask “What happened?”
So be courageous. Go find someone or a group that you can lean on to for support, meaning, peace, and joy. Courage does not mean the absence of fear. Living courageously means doing what’s right despite all fear.
Keya’s free monthly Master Class on Confidence is a gathering of those struggling with deep insecurities and self-judgment. Here you will find 3 tools you can implement right away to boost your confidence, so you have more happiness, peace, joy, and wellness in all areas of your life.
She loves to read, write, cook, sing, and dance which she indulges in every day, even when she is traveling. She loves to walk by the water, and she does it nearly every day. She is a mother of three kind and confident adult children.
Keya is most passionate about her signature program Braveheart Coaching where she helps her clients find their purpose and direction to live a fulfilling life.
You can claim your gift from Coach Keya to define and begin your success journey today.
Interview Transcripts Keya Murthy
Richard Lowe 00:01
Good day. This is Richard Lowe conversations with influencers podcast. Thank you for joining. I am the owner of the writing King, which means I’m a ghostwriter, a book coach, and I am a LinkedIn branding expert. And I’m here with my guest. Kia Murphy. I hope I pronounced that right, who started teaching physics and mathematics for seven years. For 12 years after that she’s worked as a software engineer. She went through four years of very dark nights of the soul where she engaged in self-discovery which led to her personal transformation and empowered her to return to school and study about the human mind and how to maneuver through the madness we all struggle with in silence. The past 18 years, she’s been working as a healer, hypnotherapist and spiritual life coach, and has worked with around 10,000 clients and help them heal themselves and stepped into the lives they were born to lead. Welcome to the show.
Keya Murthy 00:52
Thank you so much, Richard. Thank you and the name is Kia. Okay, yeah, sorry. But you can call me Kia because a lot of people do Kia kya. And it’s all good.
Richard Lowe 01:03
Understood, understood. My humble apologies.
Keya Murthy 01:08
Accept it.
Richard Lowe 01:10
So you started teaching physics and mathematics for seven years? What made you stop doing that?
Keya Murthy 01:16
The short and sweet answer is life. Because I believe that life is a journey. You’re not supposed to stay stuck. Jim Rohn said that. If you don’t like it more, you’re not a tree. Yes, so I was a student of I was studying my masters in computer science. And after that happened, and I got a full because when I was teaching, I was also a full time student. And I did that. So after I graduated, I couldn’t keep up because I haven’t moved out of town. I moved to another city. So I said, Okay, let’s go after this. And I will just focus on being a software developer, analyst, project manager, architect, engineer, whatever they need. It was big in those days. It’s still big.
Richard Lowe 02:11
Yeah, definitely, definitely. Very interesting. I know about the journey of life. My journey has been very twisty, turny. But I wish I’d learned to move when you’re not happy much sooner than I did. They stayed in many places. Because I felt like I couldn’t move elsewhere. A lot of gaslighting, if you know what that means a lot of people telling me I couldn’t make it and so forth. And that I wasn’t as good as I thought it was blah, blah, blah. And finally, I realized that they were the ones who weren’t as good as they thought they were. And I was just fine. And now I’ve got my own company. But yeah, software engineers, very interesting thing. When you say software engineer, what did you do?
Keya Murthy 02:54
Just commercial applications. I worked for banks, accounting firms, pharmaceutical companies. And my last job was at St. microelectronics, which is no, it was my second last job. Because I did work for a.com company to springboard solutions after that, but SD was more into semiconductors. So it was a semiconductor industry.
Richard Lowe 03:20
And then you moved into through four years of the very dark nights of the soul. might you describe that a little bit? Oh, go into the deep dark depths?
Keya Murthy 03:32
Yes, yes. Um, some floated issues, self esteem issues. And you know, like, when, like you were saying, you know, when people told me you were not good enough, although you knew you were better than them. And you believed and this was my early 30s, mid 30s. And, of course, you know, the towers came down, you know, we had a terrorist attack on this country, and too much was going on. And I had three little children. My youngest one was just a mantle. Sorry. Yeah, he was a year old. So when I lost their job. And so for me, I had three kids at home, and I was like, really start to look for another job. And I was sending out my applications. And what happened was, every time the phone would ring goes, in those days, we had landlines and I was like, Oh, I don’t want to answer that call. Because I don’t want to go back to that world. I would rather be with my children. And feeling that guilt of like, Oh, I’m a mother and I’m not here for my kids. And there I am at work. So it was a lot of agony. It was painful. It was I was frazzled. And in many ways lost. But my kids were my anchor because that was most important for me. And I held on Do that and read so many books. Every time I move my house, I get rid of my books, get them away, listen to so many cassettes and CDs and workshops and retreats, I’ve done it. And I went through a divorce, I went through bankruptcy, I went through accident or my car literally rolled down into a ditch and I was upside down and people had to pull me out like life brought all these gifts to me. But at that moment, it didn’t look like a gift it looked like it was this was a horror show. And there’s always I felt like I could die. But I couldn’t die because I had children but my. To put it. It’s like, you know how the caterpillar has to die for the butterfly to be born, I was going through multiple deaths. And each death made me expand a little bit more, get a bit more stronger, more confident, more, knowing who I am. And knowing who I was, wasn’t good enough, I had to help others also and helping others heal, I was healing and in healing myself, I was getting better at helping others heal. So it was like a two way thing. I believe I truly became a vessel of the universe. And those who believe in God, we can say God, so And those of us, including you, Richard, I believe is here. To give, to transform to allow to be the magic in your own life and miracles, someone else’s.
Richard Lowe 06:43
Yeah, I actually believe very similarly, I’m here for a reason. But part of my part of my job, my responsibility in this life, is to be able to first to take care of myself, then to take care of my immediate surroundings, family, what have you, and then those circle widen. But a basic thing is taking care of yourself. If you can’t take care of yourself, who can you take care of. And I’ve gone through life and seeing people who can’t even take care of themselves. And they’re a wreck. Not not the kind of stuff you went through just, they just, it’s not that they’re going through things, it’s that they refuse to take any responsibility for their lives at all. So they, they, they don’t get a job. They sit there watch video games, they like during the pandemic, a lot of a lot of younger people I knew didn’t even go to me, this was the ideal opportunity when they were not working or making plenty of money from the government. They could have gone to school. And they didn’t even want to do that. They just sat in the jacuzzi and lazed around for that whole year and a half. And it’s like people, you could be making yourself better. Yeah, we don’t have to now you know, the government’s paying for it, blah, blah, blah. And they got a little shocked when the pandemic ended, and suddenly their rent was due wasn’t worse, you know, the rent freezes during a pandemic. And that was shocking to them, suddenly, they had to pay rent again. And they didn’t bother even to save up. They didn’t realize, because they didn’t read the law. That it wasn’t, it wasn’t forgiveness of the rent, it was just basically they didn’t have to pay it for 12 months, but it built up. And they still had to pay the whole thing. So they had 12,000 $15,000 bills do or $20,000 or whatever. So it was very tough trying time for them because they weren’t even taking care of themselves. And, and that’s kind of where it starts for me. I take pretty good care of myself. And I was married and she didn’t take care of herself. She had asthma and COPD and smoked and passed away from that and other things. And that was a defining moment in my life. I have a tattoo based on that. The Phoenix you can see it rebirth from ashes. And that’s when my life was reborn because I looked at her after having passed away and thought you know what she just wasted she spent more than half of your sick because she refused to stop smoking. And and I want to live and I don’t want to be in grief. So I picked up the camera. And I was working at Trader Joe’s at the time as the director of computer operations. And on the weekdays and weeknights rather than weekends. I’d go out and photograph things started with national parks. And I was terribly caved in and terribly introverted. So I started national parks and then it worked my way to renaissance fairs, and then to wrestling matches and then to Delhi Dance shows. Photographed over 1200 belly dance shows 300 renaissance fairs all over the country is flying everywhere and stuff and broke that introverted caved in being that was there. And now I can talk not going to do two podcasts a day. You know, I’m going out and meeting people. I don’t care at all. Maybe I’ll talk to a gang member. I don’t care. You know? It’s actually he talked to gang members, there’s just ask them about their tattoos. I mean, you hate that. That seems pretty cool. And they’ll start talking, because it’s a harmless subject, but they take it very seriously. And then they’re not going to kill you while you’re there talking about their tattoos. I used to live in downtown Hollywood gangland central pretty much and it’s pretty rough area. And I learned I learned a lot about myself and came out of that shell and then realized I was working in a company that I hated corporate and decided to start my own company now. I’m a ghostwriter. Go figure. And it sounds like you went through kind of a similar a lot of different of course, path of discovery of your own tragedy caused you to rethink your life. And you came out of it better like the caterpillar out of the cocoon. Because caterpillars and cocoons are ugly. And then they come out beautiful. And if you want to look those are all butterflies.
Keya Murthy 11:12
Wow. Yes, transformation.
Richard Lowe 11:16
love butterflies. Those are all from from Africa and South America. And they’re all put in plastic and stuff. And they’re organically from butterfly farms. So they don’t they don’t hurt the natural resources and things. It’s kind of fun. It keeps me whenever I get really tense, I just turn around and look at the wall. Anyway, so am I on track there? Or am I far off track?
Keya Murthy 11:41
You are right on track? Yes, I’m an introvert too. So I know what it means coming out of your own shell. And people say Oh, I don’t believe you’re an introvert. And whenever I have been on stage or toddler classroom, or given a workshop or something, and and I asked people, what do you think I am? Every introvert says, Oh, you’re an introvert and the extrovert. Say you’re an extrovert. So I believe I’m a mirror. You see yourself in me? You see yourself in me? Yeah. But you know, now we have come up with terms like ambivert Yes, you know, I mean, I talk for a living, I am talking and you know, the old adage I come from India is like, kid should be seen and not heard. And being an HSP and the firstborn. You know, I was born in India, when India was barely 20 years old. Today, India, 77 years old. I’m 57. So my parents were born into a slave nation. So the way they grew up was very different. And the way they raised us was, of course, to give us more than they had, and we raised our kids, because my kids were born in America. But I know my friends and my siblings who have children grew up in India, they have way more than we in America do. So it’s a progression. It’s a generational progression. Community, communal. Yeah. And we have to look at, not how much you put, not how much you get, but how much you can put into it, and give without thinking and things will come back to you. Yep, altered day and night.
Richard Lowe 13:23
That’s actually one of the reasons why I do these podcasts is yeah, they helped me promote myself and so forth. But they also give back I’m promoting authors and influencers, people to help build up their brand, and help build up my brand. And it’s a give and take, that actually works out pretty well. And helps. I think you need to give more than you get, in many ways. Although there are times when it seems like you’re not getting anything, you know, giving, giving everything I’ve gotten I’m getting nothing. Well, it’s coming the universe hates me. But that’s just the way it is, is not a it’s not a one to one thing, you know, it’s not like you give a Christmas present, you get a Christmas present. It doesn’t work that way. You have to recognize that you know, you sometimes like Christian, so you pray to God and God doesn’t come through and it’s like, why not? And then you find out. You get angry, right? Like it’s getting angry to God has any purpose. I mean, you know, that’s the stupid and then later on, you find out oh, that would have been the wrong road. Though that was not the place I needed to be that that customer turned out to be toxic. And that’s why I didn’t get it, you know? Or that turned out to be a bad doorway. My belief is God opens doors. That’s what he does. And it’s my job to see the door. Hey, that there’s an opportunity there. Ha Thank you God. And I go through the door when I recognize him. And he closes doors. So door closes door opens. Seems to be the way it always were. If I don’t see the door, my eyes aren’t open, then I’ve missed an opportunity. And it’s not like, like I said, it’s not like Christmas where you get presents, and you give presents, and it’s one to one. And it’s not like asking your parents, hey, give me that toy for Christmas. It doesn’t work that way with whatever spiritual beliefs you have. It simply doesn’t. Because if you get things for nothing, you don’t value them. And that’s the problem with with a lot of the more socialistic attitudes of people, we want to give everybody as, you know, their, their, their, their livelihoods, and things so that they can survive. They don’t value it, then. Yeah, I work for my living. I worked all my life. And I don’t I don’t think I’ve ever really taken handouts other than maybe minor ones here and there. And I don’t want to, because I don’t value things that are given for free. We’re talking big things, not like a Christmas gift. That’s different. But anyway, what do you think? Yeah,
Keya Murthy 16:11
yes, I agree with everything you said. And when you said, you know, you were looking for something, and God didn’t give it to you, because God has a meta approach, you know, he can see more than he can, the new can you and I can. So he knows no, that’s a danger. That’s a ravine you don’t go there, there’s a snake over there there is whatever you will get, you’ll drown you will die. You know, I can see from here. So let me keep you on the safe track to get to wherever you want. And it’s not the short term goals. But the long run because life is a mile marathon, which could be like your sprint, you rescue sprint, you rest you sprint, you rest. Yes. And whether you’re Christian, or you’re not Christian, or your spiritual or non spiritual. I believe we are all human. I believe we all want the same thing. love, happiness, peace, health. And if your religion helps you to get to where you want and have an easier life. It’s all good. It’s all good. Yes.
Richard Lowe 17:19
Now, I would disagree with you on one point, I don’t believe everybody is good. I believe there are evil people in the world who don’t work for the good of all. Yes. I mean, I agree. I don’t feel or Joseph Stalin coming to mind right away.
Keya Murthy 17:36
I agree with you with that, too. And you said, you know, like, you know, I don’t know if it was part of our conversation now before the recording started, where you talked about gang members, right. And I have had one on one conversation with gang members. I have seen them cry towards the end or midway into the conversation and being so pure and raw and real. And there was a total connection. I didn’t see the evil. Because this was a person, a human sitting right in front of me and we are talking eye to eye. But I did not meet adults. You know, I did not meet any of those kinds of but in the general things Oh, that’s a gang member. That’s a shady neighborhood. How do you live there, there are too many poor people, too many homeless people. It’s too dangerous. I used to travel the what he call the public transportation. And most of the people in the public transportation or either students because they don’t drive yet they don’t have a car yet. Or they’re homeless people or people with very little income and some are on medication and screaming or crying or whatever in the bus. I did not feel that I was going to be hurt. I did not feel cramped. I felt quite safe. And some would say like, Oh, hello. Oh, hello, you know, and someone would be like, Oh, he’s on some medication, you should be careful. And I’m like, okay, you know, we are all here. I mean, what is he going to do? I never felt any fear. Sitting next to someone who was acting out or something like this in a public transportation system or sitting with who someone told me as a gang member. I was like, I did not see the evil in this person. I just saw another human who’s feeling weak or vulnerable or whatever is just connecting with me. So I did not feel any judgment come up in me towards them. So that’s what I meant by of course, of course, there is no evil, you know, I know there’s tons of stuff going on.
Richard Lowe 19:41
Yeah, I would say Milosevic and Serbia is definitely was evil. I think he he’s dead. Now. If you know who that is. He was in charge of a genocide and in Serbia. It’s very, very bad man. Some other people who who are who I could Idi Amin in Nah, definitely not a nice person. Definitely not somebody I would want to meet. Yes,
Keya Murthy 20:06
I have not thought of these people. But yes, I agree with you because they did horrible things, and an even, not this year, not in 2023, because I made an intention. But in the past, you know, 2022, or before that I used to see or 2016 or 18, or whatever. And I used to see world leaders come up and rise to power. And, and I’m in I’m fascinated by human beings, I’m fascinated by people. So I go and look back at like, where they were when they were 20 or 30. And today, they may be 60, or 70, or whatever. I’m like, this was a person with a lot of potential a lot of promise had all the right things in their mind, from whatever I could read. And I’m like, and then what happened? What happened that today they are in this place, and they are doing a lot of not nice things. Now, but who am I to judge right. But I see the effect of what they have done. You know, that’s where my physics comes in, you know, I will not judge you. But at least when I’m seeing your actions that are parlaying into something that is not benefiting a certain section of society or on us. Like what happened. So my reasoning, my justification is, people in places of power live with a lot of fear, and corruption, corruption, and that corruption is fueled by their fear could be
Richard Lowe 21:33
could be, I can see that. Now. One thing that I’ve learned is I can’t look at evil, people who are evil or good, from where I’m sitting, I have to look at it from high. Because there are people, you can just say, Oh, this, this politician is bad and evil, and blah, blah, blah, because you read the website that says he’s evil, you know, the political website, or whatever. And if you have to go to a higher level, every president this country has ever had, has done bad things, and good things. They’ve all made mistakes, they’ve all had good accomplishments. There are some that were worse, Woodrow Wilson was probably the worst president the United States has ever had, and probably evil, based on what I’ve read about him. But even he accomplished some good. I’m not going to speak about the current ones, because they don’t want to get into that kind of discussion. But you have to go higher than your pot your own politics in which your own political action committee say you have to break out of your echo chambers. If you know what that is. And look at a at a 30,000 foot level, has this person done more bad than good? And it? Is it significant? was Obama a good president or not? Well, I think Obama achieved some good things. apama did some bad things, just like every other president. You know, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, probably one of the greatest presidents we’ve ever had, and probably one of the worst presidents we’ve ever had. Depending on how you look at him. Some people don’t like the New Deal. He’s the worst president some people realize he got us through World War Two. He’s the best president. Which one is he? He’s both. You just got to look at it from a higher level. And I’m not gonna I’m not gonna judge him going to hell or heaven. That’s not my job.
Keya Murthy 23:30
Yes, because we are all human. And we all make mistakes. Like you go on vacation. Let’s say you go on a vacation. And something good happens and something not so good happens. You’re on a plane, something nice happened, something not. So people went to Maui for vacation, and we was on fire. So you know, there are events in our life that affect us. But things will not change. For us. The only way things change is when we change the way we look at things. And that’s how change happens.
Richard Lowe 24:05
Yes. Now that doesn’t mean that that people aren’t occasionally stupid, or ignorant. I was just watching the Chernobyl series on HBO the five season thing about the Chernobyl accident man, gut wrenching thing to watch. And there were people involved in Chernobyl who were just stupid. They did stupid things. That doesn’t make them evil. That just make them stupid. And there’s a difference. They didn’t purposely blow up Chernobyl to kill probably 90,000 people. They just didn’t. They just had blind spots in their life that made them act in stupid ways. That’s all that’s different than evil.
Keya Murthy 24:45
Yes, there’s difference between stupid and evil.
Richard Lowe 24:49
Ignorant. Ignorance. Ignorance is not a bad thing. We’re all ignorant. I’m not a physicist. I’m ignorant of physics. You talk to me about Physics, I’m going to understand probably 20% is depending on how high level you go, you talk to me about broad level physics, I’ll probably be pretty much on track. I’ve been watching videos on black holes and things lately Those are fun. And but you talk to me about, you know, computers, I’m going to be less ignorant to talking about AI, I’m going to be molesting, talking about cybersecurity, I’m gonna be spot on, because it’s what I used to do. Talk to me about ghost riding. I got it nailed. And, but one thing I wanted to ask you is you’ve been working as a healer, hypnotherapist and a life spiritual life coach with 10,000 clients now that’s pretty, pretty impressive. What does it mean to be that
Keya Murthy 25:46
you get to be part of everyone’s secret, you know, if this was the olden days, or maybe even these days, you know, because I went to a Catholic school and we had a confession box. People come and tell me their stuff. And because one of the challenges I find people face is an irrespective of everything, gender orientation, you know, nationality, ethnicity, whatever, you know, economic background, whatever. People want to be seen, they want to be heard, they want to feel supported, they want to feel understood, and not judged. So, again, yes, I do talk about my staff, and I put myself out there and people know how to find me. But does everyone work with me? No. But those who come to me in their moment of extreme vulnerability, because I’m not a traditional therapist. And because you believe in God, so I’m going to use the word God, I am God’s vessel. I know that to be 100%. True. So whoever is guided by spirit, you know, Spirit God, the universe, when they come to me, they come to me in the darkest hours. And when they start speaking about whatever it is, and you know, the speaking is a lick, the words are only 7%. Just through their presence, when they start sharing, whatever is the pain that they are going through, transformation starts happening. They suddenly feel like I have clients who go through traditional therapy, and they still come to me, they said, what you can do, my therapist doesn’t do I go there, I talk about myself, and I make another appointment, and I go back again. But what you do, they don’t do it out there. I know, my mother loves me. But I feel more loved when I’m in your presence. So it’s very hard to really explain it without experiencing it. If that makes sense. So when people
Richard Lowe 28:02
Yes, go ahead, maybe maybe someday we’ll have to do a session or something and see what happens.
Keya Murthy 28:09
You know, if
Richard Lowe 28:12
I spill my guts, you’ll be shocked.
Keya Murthy 28:17
No, nothing shocks me. I am like, you know, because I truly believe that nothing happens without God’s permission. Nothing happens without God’s knowledge. And so, this is part of that. The big plan that we do not know yet, of course, of course, and I am here for you to feel seen, heard, understood, supported, held in any way possible. And so that is what happens. Yes, I have tools and techniques. You know, I just said, Clinical Hypnotherapist for the last? I’ll say, yeah, 18 years, I have gone to so many schools and standards so much, because every year, I keep adding to my toolkit because I don’t want to be that guy with a hammer that everything looks like a nail to me. I never know what this person needs. So I never want to be in a place that Oh, I don’t know what to do. Okay, sorry, too bad. You take your money and leave. I keep learning. And that is a very mental process. That’s a very ego process, where you learn from people who know a little bit more than you, but also to trust that the right things will happen to you. So the person can receive whatever it is they need to go from where they are to where they want to go. And that’s how it works. Oh my God can’t hear you right now.
Richard Lowe 29:51
I’ve had to relearn trust. I had it on mute. Because it’s uncomfortable. nothing slips back and forth. You Breathe and stuff. I got a mute button.
Keya Murthy 30:07
Did I do something? Okay?
Richard Lowe 30:08
No, I did. Yeah, I’ve had to relearn to trust people several times in my life, you know, after the wife passed away, and to be learned to trust people, after betrayal is at work. And rest is hard. Because when you trust somebody you open yourself up, that’s something you have to understand is, you always open yourself up. And it could be a good experience, it could be a bad experience. But the more you trust, the more you’re wide open. And if you’re not with people who have your best intentions at heart, then you’re probably not going to come out of that well. So you have to learn to judge. And a lot of people say don’t judge people, well, you have to judge people, somebody asks you for money, you’re going to judge right then and there. Am I going to get this money back? You’re judging somebody? If somebody is, somebody needs something, and you’ve only got so many resources you’re going to judge them is, am I going to give something to this person that helps them? Or am I going to give something to somebody that hurts them same thing you’re giving, but that’s a judgment. And then you’ve got maybe a narcissist in your life, or you’re gonna judge them. I mean, because this narcissist gonna hurt me is hurting me. Probably, then you probably need to kick them out of your life, I’ve had to kick out several narcissists and improve my life many times over. The more narcissists, they get rid of, and I’ve got found, I think all of them because I’m doing very well really well, the better off I am. Because there are toxic people in life. They’re not necessarily evil people, but they are toxic. It could be just the wavelength thing, we’re on different wavelengths, and we just, you know, beat up against each other, it could be something more insidious, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. They’re toxic to me. And it’s time for them to go. You don’t you don’t, there’s no thing in the contract that I signed when I was born that says I need to be connected with this person. They don’t have to be friends with somebody, even relatives. Relatives can be the most toxic wall. And sometimes you just need to say we’re done. You stay on your side of the country. I’m staying on my side of the country. And that’s that I had to do that with my parents. They passed away now. But my dad got COVID. And we hadn’t talked in 20 years. And he was I don’t know what I was to him. But from my point of view, I got sick every time he came into my space, just on the phone call. I would get sick literally throwing up sick. And finally I realized it went okay, it doesn’t matter whether he’s a good person or not. He makes me sick, physically, mentally, emotionally, for weeks. Done, and had to cut, cut all pies. And my sister had to do the same thing. So it wasn’t just me. Just you Yeah, that was that was that was an important thing that I had to understand. It wasn’t just me wasn’t in my head necessarily. Sometimes, you know, it is. Sometimes it is just me. That’s having a rough time with another person because, but sometimes it isn’t. And that was you know, then I realized I don’t have to stay communicating with him all the time. I don’t have to be doing this. There’s no contract. Yeah, he was my dad. That was an important thing. But he’s also making me sick. Yes, lighting and stuff like that.
Keya Murthy 33:37
Is it’s it’s a very deep topic to get into when someone that close to you and and I’m glad you pop it. Because your body will not lie. Your body is an amazing healing machine. We live in this body and we have to learn to listen to this body. Like sometimes people are like, Oh, I don’t know. I’m like, okay, just close your eyes and see where your body is talking. Just listen to your body. And oh, it’s my hip. That like is it the left on? Yeah, how did you know? Let’s continue. What is it telling you? Because there is a story it is telling you know, like, two days ago this lady she’s like, Hey, I need to cancel my appointment. I have such a terrible cold it’s like all over me. And the reason is like she’s not her throat chakra you know is totally blocked. You know, she has one of those crying episode that, you know, like you’re swollen and you’re full of snot and you give yourself a cold from crying, you know?
Richard Lowe 34:43
Yep. know the feeling. know the feeling. I’ll tell you a little little more personal detail. I’m telling the whole world on this podcast, but that’s okay. I ran away from home when I was 12 years old. And I got a few blocks away. And then I realized I was leaving my sister alone with my dad. He was not a nice person. So at 12 years old, I went back home to as best as a 12 year old can do keep my dad away from my sister. And remain there till I was about 19 And then finally moved out because I couldn’t deal with it anymore. But she was going up by then. And she, she was able to handle it. But it got pretty bad. But that was a choice. I knew that it was toxic. I ran away from home. I mean, I was only 12. So I didn’t know all the words and things. And had never seen a therapist. My parents didn’t believe in them. Because, you know, just don’t. But back in those days, I didn’t do therapy. But I knew that he was going to hurt her, and even at 12. And I was so glad when she got married and moved out. Yeah. And it took her many years to figure it out. But she finally did. And then she she cut communication. And that was that. And she didn’t talk to him again. Ever. He was even more adamant than me. She wouldn’t she just never and, and occasionally had a conversation or two. Usually when he needed something.
Keya Murthy 36:21
The first one, or the first one.
Richard Lowe 36:24
I had an older sister who passed away nine months. But I was the first one who survived. So your sister was younger than you, my sister two years younger.
Keya Murthy 36:34
This is what happens when people come and sit in front of me. Yeah, this is exactly what happens to people when they come and sit in me in front of me. And they’re like, oh my god, I wasn’t even thinking about that. I don’t know where that came from. And I have to share this with you. This is exactly how healing starts happening. Yep. So
Richard Lowe 36:53
I’ve already been through the therapy, things like I went through this. So I’m able to talk about it now. Yes. But I had a good therapist, who helped me get through it. And it was rough, because it was kind of obscured because it was so bad. Things in childhood were so bad. I had this. In my mind. I had this angelic childhood, it was beautiful. It’s perfect. There’s nothing wrong. And then the veil started coming down. I was like, Whoa, no, no, no, it wasn’t. And life started to change when that veil came down first, you know, first of course, it was bad. It seemed bad because it like you know, tears to Midnight Cry by the way I got beaten, men don’t cry. Not allowed. You want to cry, I’ll give you some to cry about teach on how to live for, you know, I didn’t cry my wife’s funeral I couldn’t. I did cry two weeks later when my cat passed away. Because that was just too much. And it’s like wife and cat and the same month tomorrow. But
Keya Murthy 37:55
you can live, you can laugh about it. Now you can smile about it. Of course, yes. And then the wounds heal, the scars remain. And then the scars heal to
Richard Lowe 38:09
a certain extent. But you have to you have to recognize them first. If you just cover them up and you bury them and you pretend they don’t exist. Now just build up and you take them out on the next person that you meet. And you gotta you got to sometimes it’s a self voyage. And sometimes the boys with other people, a therapist or something, you have to go through it. And you have to get it out. I used to journal a lot that helped actually get some visiting a therapist helped even more somebody who really knew what they were doing. Christian therapist helped a lot. Just he just lived. And that’s all he did and didn’t make it you know, just let me pour out, pour out everything. And it’s, but I’m fascinated by the impact that a toxic individual can have on a person’s life. It is utterly amazing to me, we let them in. And then life becomes hell. And we don’t know why usually. Usually we don’t even see it.
Keya Murthy 39:15
I agree with you 100%. And when I was growing up, and even now, people say that I’m two things. What two common things that nearly everyone says when they get comfortable sharing this with me is like I’m a kind person and I’m a smart person. I can see that. And I think you and I don’t take it lightly. I don’t anyone who comes to me like when I started off my business if you would call. I had three little kids at home. My youngest one was five and it was in my living room. Okay, I started off in my garage. Okay, and then it was in my living room. Ventura healing center right? And my friends will be like honey you need to be Be careful, all these crazies are coming into your house, and I will be like, they are guided by spirit. That’s why they are coming to me. And whoever is coming through those doors, spirit is also watching me, and will not let any harm come upon me. I truly believe this. And none of my clients ever hurt me in any way they left with a lot of love. So I’m a kind person, and I’m a smart person, right? And my life is like falling apart, right? And it doesn’t fall apart just once it falls apart. Like it falls apart a bit. You fix yourself anything you Oh, I’m good, and falls apart again. And then you get better. It falls
Richard Lowe 40:45
on the non Been there done that
Keya Murthy 40:48
too many times to count. I think I ran out of fingers and toes. And how many times so one day, one day, I was sitting and I was like I can’t believe it. You know, like, like, let’s talk about journaling. So your journal, I meditate, blah, blah, blah. And the thing that came to me is like, God, I truly don’t believe that I’m either smart or intelligent. I do not. Because if I’m smart, how come I did some really stupid things. And if I’m really a kind person, how come I’m surrounded with so much of unkindness, like I mentioned the Narcissus. But in those days, I’m like, I can handle this. I’m a big kid, I can handle this, I can take care of this. And I swear to God, I am not lying when I say I heard it loud and clear. Like I hear your voice in my ear that you’re neither stupid, nor are you unkind. You are truly kind and smart. And I’m like, Why? Why? Why? And don’t tell me why not? Because that’s a cliche, right? When someone says why miss? Why not you? That’s the thing you hear people say, right? Like you give me a better answer. And you know what I heard? It’s because people go through the stuff. And you need to know how to help them when they come to you. Because they will not teach you in a course. In a workshop. In a classroom. No one can teach you these things. Unless you go through it yourself. Loss of a wife. Yeah. Only someone who has lost a wife. And I know his pain is different than your pain. But still, you will be like, I never lost him. I never had a wife and never lost a wife. I feel for you. I will give you a hug if I was there in front of you. But I’m like, I know what it means. Because I held my mother when she was dying. So I know the death of but that I don’t know. But the and, and it’s so true. Since that day, 12 years ago till today. Whatever challenge I’m going through, someone shows up, and I help them heal that challenge and then helping them to challenge my challenge results.
Richard Lowe 43:08
Yeah, that’s the way it works. That’s one of the ways it works, you’re helping somebody else. And you’re one thing I’ve noticed is sometimes we get zeroed in on our problems. And we think oh my god, my cell phone has failed. Oh my God, that’s the worst problem in the world, you know, to take an example. And then you talk to somebody else who’s like not eating and their kids are starving and stuffing rice. Okay, that’s not as bad a problem as I thought, you know, I can I can get a new cell phone, or I can live without it for a month or whatever. It’s not as bad as starving to death or watching your kids starve to death. It’s just, I had an epiphany once when I was just going along through life being my usual self. And I met somebody and we were, we were talking and she said, you know, you’re in a very angry person was many, many years ago, and I said, Really? Tell me more. Because I’m not wanting to I wasn’t, she was telling me and I thought, okay, you know, I don’t agree with you Baba, or, you know, so she told me more. And I decided that had to leave. That was my dad in my that was I took that from my dad. He was very angry. So I said, okay, that needs to go away. I need to, I need to do an exorcism, so to speak, get rid of that anger. You know, therapy exorcism. So that was the first time I started to see therapist is like, this anger needs to go. And that’s when I started uncovering the childhood past and things like that. Was it now I understand and you don’t see any anger in me now. It’s gone, because I decided it was time for it to go. It wasn’t a value. It wasn’t helping me at all. In fact, it was hurting me. It’s holding me back. It was making people not want to talk to me. And it was attracting the angry people which I didn’t really want in my life. And just one helpfully given comment. It wasn’t a put down, it wasn’t a judgment, it was just like, you know, you’re very, you’re very angry person, given in a helpful way, literally changed my life. From somebody I only knew a little bit, which might be why I was going to accept it. Because I didn’t know them personally, you know, I didn’t know them very well, from somebody close, it probably would have graded on me or something, I don’t know. But anyway, that’s that was a judgment. But it was helpful judgment. And it was a, it was a risk for them. Because they could have reacted very poorly to it probably had in the past, you know, being an angry person. And but at that moment in time, that person recognized that I was, I was open to the communication and I accepted it. And I changed literally, within a matter of a couple of months, that anchor was gone.
Keya Murthy 46:00
In my model of the world that could also be translated to God was using her to speak to you, of course, yes. So these are everyday miracles, when we remain open to it. Life is the most beautiful thing. Everyday miracles that God puts these right people in front of me, like I mean, like I told you, I went to a Catholic school, right? We have a lot of Catholic prayers. And then which I say every day, because it’s just like an autopilot. I love singing. And so I say it, but the Lord’s Prayer, our Father in heaven, give me this day die daily bread. So I literally I used to write that prayer every day for years. Because as a hypnotherapist I know you know, when you write to remember, and then you’re not, and I’m a writer, I love to write I have like, you would turn this camera around, you will see all my books and journals. They don’t look as beautiful as yours behind you. And, but it is like in and I have so many colored pens. And what does it mean give me this day that daily Britain that time a kid was so little, so every money I made, I used to put it on the table right in front of me and my altar. And when you need something to take from there and go go shopping, come back and put the rest of it there because that’s how I lived on St. Francis, you know, being a Catholic and St. Francis, you know, it’s like, whatever you need, you will always have and so what do I need? And the Buddhist have a practice you know, the monks you know, they have a practice of taking me only for today you can give them two apples because no one wants to two apples. Just give me one apple today. If you feel like you made two apples, come back tomorrow and give me another apple, you just take what’s needed today. So, so I was like, Okay, give me today what I can handle. Whatever I need today to be a good mother, a good friend, a good daughter, a good sister. You know, a good therapist, a good healer, a good coach, whatever. Whatever I need for today. Just give me that don’t give me too much. If it’s for tomorrow, give it to me when tomorrow shows up. I used to make these petitions to God. Give me the state, my daily bread, only what I need to do. I don’t need any extra. And having done this for years. What I feel is only what I need today I get and I’m so happy about that. I do not I can be bold enough to make the statement out in public. I do not meet bad people anymore. And in the beginning of our conversation I said in 2023 I made this intention of not watching any news. I did not even want to watch up watch you know this. Comics I’ll call them you know, who talk about politics and this satires was That was my source of news I have to laugh haha laugh at this politician haha laugh at that President and that’s how I fill myself up with news. But 2023 When it was coming, I start like right around Thanksgiving. I start writing because I come from the corporate world where you start planning q1 Next year before q3 ends over here and like how do I want it to be you know, so I’m not that good. Like in September, I’m not planning next January. But around Thanksgiving I start planning what is it that I need to let go off this year? And what is it that I what habit should i because everything is a process nothing can study faster on the clock struck and everything changed, you know, like, pumpkin and Cinderella. We don’t have that in real life. And I was like, No, I’m not going to listen to these satires anymore because they have a living to make. But I don’t want to go to bed listening to all this negativity or whatever it is, you know, positivity negativity, no judgment. I’m like, I don’t know. Not. So that is a judgment. Like, I don’t want to hear that. And listen to that. And today in my life, I only have people who are like me, loving, kind, caring, intelligent, funny, like, whatever, you know, silly, making mistakes and forgiving themselves.
Richard Lowe 50:20
Oh, you need a couple of serial killers in your life Come on? No, yeah, I’ve I’ve made the promise, which I’ve broken several times this year to not watch the news, and to stay away from social media except for business. And that’s tough. I found an extension for my browser that cuts out the Facebook wall. Because I have 3000 dancer friends on Facebook that I want to stay in communication with. That’s the way they communicate. But I don’t want all the junk from Facebook, especially not with an election coming up. And the guy who’s getting elected is going to jail. I mean, come on, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be in social media for that. It’s gonna be a firestorm. Right or wrong. It’s gonna be like, I don’t want to be near that conversation. Because yeah, it’s an energy drain. It doesn’t actually make any difference to me personally. which way it goes? I mean, that’s a bad thing to say. But
Keya Murthy 51:15
I agree with, yeah, that’s my thing.
Richard Lowe 51:18
It’s, you know, I’m getting older. And I see that, that there’s just some things I just don’t have the energy to care about anymore. I have to care about making a living, helping as many people as I can, writing good books. I’m trying not to shoot myself in the foot, well, I’m just starting a business, so to speak, you know, and so forth. And I don’t need to watch the news and find out. Whatever, that I can’t do anything about. That’s the key. If I can do something about it, there’s somebody in a car wreck in front of me, and I can run in there and pull him out. Yeah, I want to know about that. As I go, pull, pull personality. And but if there’s a car wreck in Las Vegas, I don’t even know about that. Nothing I can do about it. And that’s been a hard thing to learn. I mean, my parents used to watch the news religiously. And I do remember the Apollo mission live. I’m old enough to remember that. And I do remember the challenger. And I remember 911. I watched it live. That was shocking. Just watching TV and whoa. And it’s but life changes when you decide to get rid of the bad stuff. But without putting your head in the sand. Exactly. Not to be an ostrich because if you don’t you need to see the dangers coming. I need to keep enough track of the news because I’m in Florida, to know when the Hurricanes are coming. So that I can be prepared.
Keya Murthy 52:48
I have a weather app I have the Weather app tells me.
Richard Lowe 52:51
Right? Right. So I need to know when they’re coming. I need to monitor when they’re here to make sure that I mean, the one that came last year was literally aimed straight over my house. The line was drawn right over the street where I live. And then it moves south. Like Oh, thank God, oh, sorry for the people down there. But thank God, God had a plan. It was literally aimed at my nose. I zoomed in and the line was literally going over the top of my apartment. It was like, Okay, I’m hitting, we’re getting a category four, maybe five storm on top of me. And then he said fort Richie. And that was
Keya Murthy 53:30
miracles. I’m telling you miracles happen.
Richard Lowe 53:33
And then Irma came through. And it was literally aimed. It literally did hit me. But it was supposed to be just a cat live. And it is a cat one. And it was one was bad enough. And I certainly wouldn’t want to live in Puerto Rico where they got hit with a cat five. Oh my Lord. That’s gotta be a nightmare. Oh, so yeah, you know, life is interesting. I totally believe in therapists. If you find the right one and counseling, and coaches, I am a coach. So I didn’t miss I mean a writing coach, and a book coach. I do believe in that. Because it’s amazing how when you’re struggling with something, anything, I have a marketing coach, and I’ve hired a lead generation person, it’s amazing how when you’re struggling with something, you can find the right coach or the right person. And you can just Discordian is not you know, to guardians and ideas. That’s from history that’s they had whoever would untie the Gordian knot would rule the world and Alexander the Great came in took one look at and said, Oh, I can deal with this and he cut in half with his sword and nobody was about to say that was the wrong way to do it. Not with not with Alexander the Great. He just cut it in half. He’s like I got this problem like he was in probably an interesting guy. What was I saying? You’re so you’re in this gourd. You’re not in life, and you just don’t know what to do in life. It’s all screwed up. I wasn’t getting any business for a while. And well, why wasn’t it getting business? Well, because it wasn’t marketing. Oh, well, there is that. And it’s not marketing again, and the business is coming in now. And you know, my life’s not going well, why not? Because I’m doing I’m, I’ve allowed somebody in my life who’s not good for me. There you go. Now, it’s not always my fault. You can’t always say your life is bad, because you’re, you’ve done something wrong. There are people who have evil intentions, there are fires in Hawaii, you can’t say that those people brought it on themselves. They didn’t they, but you can say, you know, my house is on is one mile from Mount Vesuvius in Rome, which is, by the way, going to blow up pretty soon. And that’s probably stupid, I should probably move. And maybe, maybe make an effort to move. If you’re living on the side of an active volcano, maybe it’s time to move. You’re living in earthquake country, maybe it’s time to reinforce your house. If you’re living in a hurricane place, maybe you should, like I am being a concrete building, and know your emergency plans and have your go your bug out bag ready. Maybe you need to take preparation. And what’s really interesting is throughout my entire life, I’ve never had a fear of death. Not once, not once I see your pain, but only a little bit. I don’t like pain. Pain is not a friend. But pain is normal. But, and I get teeth work done and root canals and things. And I of course take a painkiller the day of it, and then afterwards, it hurts, but I’m not going to take them like it and I don’t need that. Now, if somebody was going to cut me open and do a operation, yeah, I’d be taking Vicodin. But I don’t need it for simple stuff. Anyway, we’ve talked for an hour.
Keya Murthy 57:13
And it’s lovely connecting with you.
Richard Lowe 57:15
That’s a good conversation. I hope you liked it too. Yes,
Keya Murthy 57:18
I very much enjoy connecting with people and learning a bit about them sharing a little bit about me and whatever, you know, because there are no mistakes. You know, I truly believe that everyone comes into somebody’s life for a certain reason. And and I always believe in leaving the place a little bit better, you know, a person a little bit happier.
Richard Lowe 57:41
One of the one of the reasons why I’m doing this these podcasts I’m doing a lot of them is because I’ve been finding feeling like I’ve been getting snarled in a knot in life. And one thing that helps me is seeing other points of view. We’re not talking about my problems. We’re talking about life. What snarls me. I’m talking to somebody who’s doing well. And it gives me a little altitude over. Yeah, you know what, I’ve published 60 books in my life. And I’ve written ghostwritten 48 more. I’m not doing too bad. You know, I’ve published probably 1000 articles on the internet. I’m been a VP of two companies, Vice President of Technology, two companies. I ran Trader Joe’s department computer department for 20 years. I’m not doing too shabby. Why am I snarled? Oh, because of this, and this and this. It helps just having another person on the other end. We’re about nothing related to me to see that to get a little altitude. Yes. Because this is what? Sorry.
Keya Murthy 58:50
No, exactly. Because this is what we need, no matter how much we are into technology. And there’s this high tech, high tech, high tech, high tech, high tech, including AI. But nothing can compensate or become better than the human connection. human connection is the most precious commodity out there. And it’s priceless.
Richard Lowe 59:15
Right, even though we’re only talking an hour, and we almost probably won’t talk again. We might. It’s still and we’re not doing therapy sessions and things. It’s still helpful. Yes, still, it’s another person even though it’s a zoom, and it would be better in real life. But hey, you’re I don’t know where you were where you live, but it’s probably somewhere I’m not. Zoom. This isn’t a zoom. This is Google meat. But still it’s the same concept. It’s just nice having the human connection.
Keya Murthy 59:48
Yes, it’s precious. It is precious. It’s priceless. And everything in life is to be continued. We cannot say it like I’ll never meet you again. Or I’ll meet you again. We’ll never know when our paths will get aligned. And we will share, you know, my drink with your drink somewhere.
Richard Lowe 1:00:08
I’ll be walking in the supermarket and go, Do I know you?
Keya Murthy 1:00:13
Yeah, there you go. One of the things I wanted to just quickly touch point with, when we were talking about like, when we feel that drained, you know, it’s because of the toxicity in our life because of these energy vampires. That’s another term that’s floating around, you know, that that energy drain. And we don’t even know no matter how much you fill your cup, but if there is a hole over here, it’s going to keep flowing out. So just to be mindful, yes, I love you very much. But right now it’s time to let you go. And you have to have the Braveheart enough to be able to claim that space back for yourself claim that time back for yourself.
Richard Lowe 1:00:56
I call them psychic vampires. Yeah. It’s a term that I’ve somebody told me many, many years ago, and I think it really applies. You go in there feeling really happy to talk to them and you’ve got feeling drained, and they feel really happy. And it’s just phenomenal. I’ve noticed many times they’re psychic vampires.
Keya Murthy 1:01:13
Meto. Yep, I know. I know. Exactly. All right, my dear.
Richard Lowe 1:01:18
All right. Hang on for a minute after that. But I’m going to stop the recording. Again. This has been the conversations with influence podcast with Richard Lowe. I’ve been interviewing Kate Kaya. Hey, yeah, okay. Yeah, I did it again. And she’s got a while. You’ve all heard about it history on this. I’m a ghostwriter. book coach, writing coach, and I do LinkedIn branding. So if you need some help from the website, it’ll be in the description and if you need some therapy or something, go see her. Thank you for watching.
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