12 Jul 2023

Toxic People & Writing: 10 Steps to Safeguard Your Art

Richard Lowe

Writing

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The silent plague of the creative world isn’t a lack of inspiration or motivation—it’s the toxic people who sneak into our lives and wreak havoc. These individuals create a fog of negativity, blocking the light of creativity. This piece is a lifeline for creatives, an escape route from the confines of toxicity.

Identifying Toxic People in Your Life

Toxic people have a knack for making their way into our lives, often unnoticed. It’s essential to identify these individuals so you can begin to combat their effects on your creativity. As an artist, you’re especially susceptible to the negativity they spread, with your work often mirroring your emotional state.

In the realm of toxic people, you may find friends, relatives, or colleagues who constantly criticize your efforts, never satisfied with your accomplishments. Their persistent negativity may slowly erode your self-confidence, making it increasingly challenging to trust your creative abilities.

Identifying toxic people in your life isn’t about blaming others; it’s about safeguarding your mental space. When you understand who’s contributing to your stress and self-doubt, you can take steps to protect your creativity and wellbeing.

Recognizing the 8 Types of Toxic People

Identifying toxic people is the first step to dealing with them effectively. Here are eight types of toxic individuals you might come across in your life:

The Narcissist: They always need to be the center of attention, often disregarding the feelings and needs of others. Their inflated sense of self-importance can drain those around them.
The Victim: They constantly wallow in their problems, refusing to see the bright side or take action to change their circumstances. Interacting with them can often feel like an energy drain.
The Control Freak: They need to have control over everything and everyone around them. They may undermine your decisions and make you feel incapable or second-guess yourself.
The Green-Eyed Monster: Envious by nature, they cannot be genuinely happy for others’ successes. They often express their envy through negative comments or passive-aggressive behavior.
The Critic: They find fault in everything, rarely acknowledging the good. Their persistent negativity can eat away at your confidence and joy.
The Drama Magnet: They seem to always be surrounded by conflict or chaos. Their turbulent life can suck you in and leave you feeling stressed or anxious.
The Manipulator: They know how to twist situations, words, and actions in their favor, often at the expense of others. They may make you feel guilty or question your sanity, a tactic known as gaslighting.
The Emotional Vampire: They’re excellent at dumping their problems on you, leaving you feeling exhausted and drained. They often lack empathy and fail to reciprocate your emotional support.

Recognizing these types of toxic people is crucial in safeguarding your emotional health and maintaining a peaceful and productive life. Remember, every individual deserves to be in relationships that respect their worth and contribute to their growth.

Recognizing the Signs of a Toxic Person

Being able to identify toxic individuals is crucial to your mental health and creative flow. Here are 20 signs to look out for, each with a description and sample phrases you might hear from a toxic person:

Constant Criticism: They’re always on the lookout for faults, mistakes, or shortcomings. For example, “You can’t ever seem to do things right.”
Belittling Your Success: They undermine or disregard your achievements. For example, “That award isn’t a big deal. Anyone could have won it.”
Jealousy: They exhibit envy and resentment towards your success. For example, “You’re not as talented as you think. You just got lucky.”
Negativity: They have a habitual negative perspective, often dampening the mood. For example, “That’s a ridiculous idea. It will never work.”
Manipulation: They twist situations or emotions to their advantage. For example, “If you really cared about me, you’d do this.”
Lack of Respect for Boundaries: They overlook or dismiss your personal boundaries. For example, “You’re always so busy. Don’t you have time for your friends?”
Gaslighting: They manipulate you into doubting your sanity or memory. For example, “You’re overreacting. That never happened.”
Passive-Aggressiveness: They mask their hostility or anger with indirect remarks. For example, “Well, it’s good that you’re finally putting in some effort.”
Gossip: They spread rumors or disclose private information about others. For example, “Did you hear about what happened to…?”
Lack of Empathy: They show little concern for others’ feelings or struggles. For example, “Stop complaining. Everyone has problems.”
Always Playing the Victim: They perpetually position themselves as the victim. For example, “Nothing ever goes right for me.”
Control Freak: They demand control over situations and people. For example, “Just do it my way. It’s better.”
Unreliability: They frequently break promises or fail to meet commitments. For example, “I know I said I’d help, but something came up.”
Drama Queen/King: They thrive on creating chaos and stirring up emotions. For example, “You won’t believe the terrible day I’ve had!”
Self-Centeredness: They constantly shift the focus back to themselves. For example, “Enough about you. Let’s talk about me.”
Disrespectful: They regularly make inappropriate or offensive comments. For example, “I’m just joking. Can’t you take a joke?”
Deceitfulness: They often distort the truth to suit their needs. For example, “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you everything.”
Quick to Anger: They’re easily angered and can be aggressive. For example, “You’re making me mad. Don’t push me.”
Emotionally Draining: Interaction with them leaves you feeling exhausted. For example, “You’re the only one who understands me. I need you.”
Unsupportive: They seldom offer support or encouragement. For example, “I don’t think you can handle that. It’s too much for you.”

Recognizing these signs and phrases can empower you to identify toxic people and take action to safeguard your creative energy.

Toxic Characters in Movies: Lessons from the Big Screen

Movies offer a unique perspective on toxic individuals, helping us recognize such behavior patterns and understand their impact. Here are three movie characters who embody toxic traits:

Miranda Priestly from “The Devil Wears Prada”: Miranda is a classic example of a toxic boss. She belittles and manipulates her employees, often setting unrealistic expectations and showcasing zero empathy. Her negative behavior crushes her employees’ spirits, creating a stressful and unhealthy work environment. This character underscores the damaging effects a toxic person can have on one’s professional life.
Regina George from “Mean Girls”: Regina’s character embodies a toxic friend, ruling her social circle with manipulation and fear. Her continuous gossip, betrayal, and mind games harm those around her. This character serves as a warning about how toxic people can dominate social environments, impacting one’s personal life and mental health.
Amy Dunne from “Gone Girl”: Amy is a classic example of a toxic partner, showcasing extreme manipulation, deceit, and lack of empathy. Her behavior spirals into a dark world of psychological torment for her husband. This character paints a grim picture of the impact a toxic person can have on intimate relationships.
Fletcher from “Whiplash”: Terence Fletcher, the abusive music teacher, embodies toxicity in an educational setting. Through verbal abuse, public humiliation, and unrealistic expectations, Fletcher pushes his students to the breaking point under the guise of extracting their potential. This character highlights the devastating effects of a toxic person in an academic or mentoring relationship.
Scar from “The Lion King”: Scar is the epitome of a toxic family member. His jealousy and manipulative nature drive him to seize power at the expense of his family’s well-being. This character emphasizes the harm a toxic individual can inflict within a family environment.
Annie Wilkes from “Misery”: Annie is a toxic fan turned captor. She alternates between nurturing and violent, manipulating her captive with fear and dependency. This character illustrates the chilling extremities of toxicity, showcasing how a toxic person can create a dangerous and terrifying situation.

These movie characters provide a dramatic but insightful portrayal of toxic individuals. They teach us about the negative influence such people can have on our lives and illustrate the importance of recognizing and handling such toxicity effectively.

But the signs of a toxic person are not always so obvious:

Nina’s Mother in “Black Swan”: Erica, Nina’s mother, may not immediately come across as toxic because her actions appear to stem from concern for her daughter. However, her constant control and emotional manipulation subtly chip away at Nina’s mental stability, showcasing that toxicity can be masked under the guise of care and concern.
Mr. Perry in “Dead Poets Society”: Neil’s father, Mr. Perry, demonstrates a less obvious form of toxicity. His controlling nature, inflexible expectations, and dismissal of his son’s passion for acting subtly suffocate Neil’s individuality. This character emphasizes that even well-intentioned desires for one’s success can become toxic if they stifle personal growth and happiness.
Marlin from “Finding Nemo”: Initially, Marlin seems like a doting father. But his overprotectiveness and reluctance to let Nemo become independent are subtle signs of toxic behavior. Though his actions stem from love and fear for Nemo’s safety, Marlin must learn to balance his concerns with allowing Nemo to grow.

These examples remind us that toxic behavior isn’t always overtly malicious or abusive. Sometimes, toxicity manifests subtly, cloaked in concern or well-meaning intentions. Recognizing these subtle forms of toxic behavior is key to understanding and addressing their impact.

Impact of Toxicity on Writers and Creatives

Toxic people can impose a significant toll on the creative mind. Their continuous pessimism can dampen your creative spirit, causing you to question your abilities and potentially stifling your art. As a writer or creative, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-doubt, hampering your ability to produce original, inspiring work.

Moreover, they often induce stress, an enemy to the creative process. The increased cortisol levels associated with stress can disrupt your ability to concentrate and think creatively, leading to writer’s block or equivalent creative impasses.

Understanding the impact of toxic people on your creative process is crucial for devising effective coping strategies. This awareness can help you reclaim your creative energy, ensuring your artistic journey isn’t marred by unnecessary hurdles.

My Personal Experience: Battling Toxicity and Reclaiming Creativity

Dealing with toxic individuals is a journey I’ve personally traversed as both a writer and a photographer. Here are three pivotal experiences from my journey and how I successfully removed these toxic influences from my life:

The Constant Critic

Early in my writing career, I shared a flat with a friend who constantly belittled my work. Each time I read him a piece I was proud of, he’d point out “inevitable failures” and predict a gloomy future for me in writing. His negativity clouded my creative process, and I found myself doubting every word I wrote.

The Tactic: I decided to stop seeking his opinion, limiting our interactions to non-professional topics. I began attending local writer’s meetups, surrounding myself with encouraging peers who provided constructive criticism.

The Result: Liberating myself from his negativity, my self-confidence gradually rebuilt. With each meetup, my writing improved, and I eventually published my first article, proving to myself that his bleak predictions were unfounded.

The Jealous Dream-Stealer

In my pursuit of photography, I encountered a fellow photographer who always seemed to undermine my accomplishments. When I posted my photos online, she passed it off as “beginner’s luck.” Her envy was a dark cloud over my celebrations.

The Tactic: Instead of confronting her directly, I chose to detach myself from her influence quietly. I limited our interactions, and focused on connecting with other passionate photographers who celebrated and inspired each other’s success.

The Result: Not only did I find a supportive community that fueled my growth, but I also successfully launched several photography projects. Each success was a testament that my achievements were not mere ‘luck’, but a result of my passion and hard work.

The Emotional Leech

As a creative, I had a close friend who’d consistently dump her problems onto me, leaving me emotionally drained. She had a knack for turning every conversation into a counselling session, leaving me with little energy for my creative pursuits.

The Tactic: I decided to set clear boundaries. I openly communicated my need for space and designated ‘quiet hours’ for uninterrupted creativity.

The Result: She respected my boundaries, and our relationship improved. With my energy preserved, my creativity flourished, and I managed to complete a novel that had been gathering dust due to constant interruptions.

Each of these experiences taught me the importance of safeguarding my creative space from toxicity. By taking assertive steps to manage these relationships, I was able to nurture my creativity and achieve my goals in writing and photography.

The Gaslighting Ghostwriter

During a collaborative writing project, I worked with a ghostwriter who was an expert gaslighter. He’d often alter my work, causing me to doubt my memory and sanity. He would say things like, “You don’t remember? We agreed to change this part.” I was on the brink of emotional exhaustion, doubting my writing abilities and questioning my sanity.

The Tactic: I decided to rely on tangible evidence. I started documenting all our interactions, changes made, and agreements via emails. This paper trail was my defense against his gaslighting attempts.

The Result: Once I had evidence to counter his gaslighting, his manipulation tactics failed. I regained my self-belief, completed the project successfully, and vowed never to work with him again. My faith in my writing was restored, and I learned a valuable lesson about trust and self-reliance.

These experiences served as wake-up calls, reinforcing the importance of defending my creative space against toxic people. Through these ordeals, I learned how to assert my rights and protect my creativity, which ultimately allowed me to continue to grow and thrive in my writing and photography endeavors.

Coping Strategies for Dealing Toxic Relationships

Navigating the maze of toxic relationships can be challenging. However, equipped with the right strategies, you can effectively mitigate the effects of toxic people on your creative life.

First, establishing boundaries is paramount. By setting clear limits, you convey to toxic people that their negative behavior isn’t welcome in your space. This can discourage them from spreading their negativity and preserve your creative environment.

Another effective strategy is practicing self-care. This can involve activities that boost your mental health, such as meditation, exercise, or simply immersing yourself in the work you love. Self-care can serve as a buffer against the impact of toxic people, fortifying your creative spirit against their negativity.

Last, seeking professional help can be invaluable. Therapists and counselors are trained to help you navigate difficult relationships, providing tools and strategies tailored to your unique circumstances. Remember, reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a testament to your strength and commitment to your creative journey.

The Role of Toxic People in the Ghostwriting Industry

The ghostwriting industry, like any other creative field, is not immune to the effects of toxic people. In fact, ghostwriters can find themselves in uniquely difficult positions as they often work behind the scenes, making them potentially more susceptible to exploitation or negativity.

Toxic clients may demand unrealistic deadlines, engage in constant criticism, or refuse to respect boundaries, resulting in a high-stress work environment. Ghostwriters may also face toxic competition, where peers’ resort to underhanded tactics to secure contracts.

Handling toxic people in the ghostwriting industry requires assertiveness, clear communication, and strong professional boundaries. It’s vital for ghostwriters to protect their creative space and ensure that toxicity doesn’t undermine their writing process.

Steps to Distance Yourself from Toxic People

Distancing yourself from toxic people can dramatically improve your mental health and creative productivity. Here are five practical steps you can take:

Set Clear Boundaries: Ensure they understand the limits of your tolerance.
Practice Assertiveness: Stand up for yourself without aggression.
Cultivate a Positive Social Circle: Surround yourself with positive, inspiring individuals.
Seek Professional Help: Therapists and counselors can offer personalized strategies.
Invest in Self-Care: Prioritize activities that make you feel good about yourself.

Remember, distancing yourself from toxic people isn’t about creating conflict; it’s about prioritizing your wellbeing and creativity.

Transforming Toxic Relationships into Creative Fuel

Interestingly, not all effects of toxic individuals need to be negative. Once recognized and properly managed, toxic relationships can be transformed into creative fuel.

Many writers and creatives have found inspiration in their struggles, channeling their experiences with toxic people into their work. This process can serve as a form of catharsis, helping creatives express their feelings, heal, and possibly even help others who might be dealing with similar situations.

The Science Behind Toxic People and Creativity

Research has demonstrated the adverse effects of toxic people on our mental health, including increased stress and decreased self-esteem. However, studies also show that exposure to such individuals can catalyze personal growth and resilience, key components of creativity.

Understanding the science behind the impact of toxic people on creativity can further equip us to handle their negativity and even harness it for our benefit.

Building a Toxic-Free Creative Environment

Creating a toxic-free environment is crucial for nurturing your creativity. This involves distancing yourself from toxic people, fostering positive relationships, and cultivating a supportive, inspiring workspace.

Your creative environment is a reflection of your mental space. By clearing it of toxicity, you allow your creativity to flourish unrestricted, paving the way for your best work.

Takeaways: First, it’s vital to recognize and act upon the signs of toxicity, whether it’s constant criticism, manipulation, or gaslighting. Toxic individuals can disrupt your creative process, chip away at your self-esteem, and hamper your productivity. Second, it’s essential to assertively safeguard your creative space. This could mean setting boundaries, seeking support from positive communities, or using documentation as a defense against gaslighting. These actions not only protect your mental well-being but also ensure that your creativity continues to flourish, allowing you to reach your full potential as a writer or any other type of creative individual.

Conclusion: Triumphing Over Toxic People for Creative Success

Undoubtedly, toxic people pose significant challenges to our creative lives. However, armed with the right strategies and a resilient spirit, you can not only mitigate their impact but also transform their negativity into creative fuel. Remember, your creativity is a testament to your spirit. Don’t let toxic people dim its brilliance.

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Richard Lowe

Owner & Senior Writer at The Writing King

Richard is the Owner and Senior Writer for The Writing King, a bestselling author, and ghostwriter. He's written and published 63 books, ghostwritten 48+ books, as well as hundreds of blog articles.