Mary Wong has studied and applied leadership for over 20 years and is known for helping people step up the career ladder and become recognized as leaders in their industry. She started as a nurse and midwife, then became a fashion designer creating haute couture bridal gowns for 15 years, before moving into coaching and counseling after experiencing postnatal depression. She is the author of The Balloon Principle (on raising your profile through public speaking) and has contributed to seven co-authored compilations. Mary also runs a book coaching and publishing business helping established leaders write their memoirs and business IP books. She is based in Australia.
Host: Richard Lowe | Guest: Mary Wong
Interview Transcript
Richard: You’ve been fascinated with leadership for over 20 years. Why don’t we start from there?
Mary: I remember as a child listening to Nelson Mandela speak on TV and being fascinated by what it was about this man that made people stop and listen. I’ve always had that curiosity — looking from the outside and wondering, what makes someone so enigmatic that people want to follow them? I’ve been putting formal study into it for the last 20 years, and it’s a study I don’t think I’ll ever stop.
It’s not just about what I’m capable of. It’s about what the people around me are capable of and what we can do with the world when we apply what we’ve learned to help other people.
Authentic Leadership vs. Plastic Persuasion
Mary: A big problem the world faces is that we’re so easily swayed by social media and this plastic idea of who people are. If we want to be a leader, we have to be real, authentic, honest, and transparent. In politics, that doesn’t happen — it’s all about staying in power. That’s not leadership.
Part of leadership is learning how not to be easily influenced by the wrong things, how to be open to other ideas, and how to apologize when we get it wrong. Every one of us gets it wrong at some point. Our genius is in our individuality.
Coaching: Asking the Right Questions
Mary: A lot of people think coaching is sitting there telling people what to do. Real executive coaching is where you ask questions that facilitate answers from within that person. It’s not guiding them with what you believe is correct — it’s helping them find their inner understanding.
When I do 360 Emotional Intelligence profiling, I’ll say, “This is what self-awareness means. Tell me what stands out for you.” And what they identify is almost always different from what I expected. Because within them, they know what’s right and wrong in their life — they just aren’t always consciously aware of it. Until someone asks the right question and they go, “Oh. I just realized. That’s what that is.”
Then the question becomes: What could you do about that? How else could you look at it? And they move forward and grow as a person, just from being asked the right question by someone who allows it to be whatever is right for them.
From Nurse to Fashion Designer to Author
Mary: I started as a nurse and midwife, then gave that up and became a fashion designer creating haute couture bridal gowns for 15 years. Then I had my babies, got postnatal depression, and that started my journey through coaching, counseling, and business studies. That 20-year journey of formal study into leadership, what makes our brains tick, and what makes us special as human beings — it all started when I had my children.
Now I’m continuing to write and I love it. It feels like a fit. I’m also doing book coaching — helping people get their books from idea to publication, because that first book by yourself is pretty hard. People stop partway through. I help them get through the whole process.
The Balloon Principle and Other Books
Mary: The Balloon Principle is about raising your profile, impact, and influence through public speaking. It was released just as COVID started, so my book launch had to be canceled. I’m thinking about a relaunch — you put so much into writing a book.
I’ve also contributed to seven co-authored compilations on different topics: Voices of the 21st Century (written by female public speakers and leaders), one about my experience finding my voice again, one about learning to listen to my inner guidance, one called Touched by Suicide about how families are affected and how to help, how to rise from adversity, and Letters to My 10 Year Old Self — advice we would give ourselves with the benefit of hindsight.
Why We’re So Easily Influenced
Mary: When our parents were growing up, to see the news you had to go to the movie theater or listen to the radio. What you were told was truth, and nobody questioned it. We as children were brought up by parents who had that belief system. In our first couple of years, our brains are like sponges — we absorb everything. Whatever belief systems surround us, they’re ingrained. It’s very difficult to break out of that without concerted effort.
Now people are questioning the narrative, and that’s a good thing. But we have to be careful that we’re looking at the whole picture, not just the part we’re being funneled into by algorithms and confirmation bias. The younger generation is actually being taught how to research properly — is this real? Have I actually looked into who this person is?
Every one of us has biases. But knowing what your biases are, being aware of them, that’s where the growth starts. And being willing to say, “I was wrong about that” — that’s something we as humans have forgotten how to do.
Closing Thoughts
Mary: Talk. Get together. Sit down, spend time together, and learn about each other. Ask questions, listen, and be open to discovering more about each other. In doing that we build community, and in building community we build a better world.
Learn more about Mary Wong at optimalcoaching.com.au.
Find Richard Lowe at TheWritingKing.com.
Video edited by Bonnie Dillabough.