The Fine Line Between Victim and Victory

Sascha Gorokhoff joins Richard Lowe (The Writing King) on Leaders and Their Stories for a genuinely moving conversation about mindset, resilience, and choice.

Born differently abled and once told he would not live to 18, Sascha is now 46 and successful in business and politics. His message is direct: you are only as limited as others’ eyes make you, and there is a fine line between victim and victory.

Sascha Gorokhoff is a speaker and leadership coach who was born differently abled and overcame a prognosis that gave him until 18. He has built success in business and politics and now teaches others about mindset, resilience, and choosing victory over victimhood.

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Full transcript of the interview follows.

Richard Lowe: Hello and welcome to, let me start that over. Hello and welcome to Leaders and Their Stories. Start that over. Hello and welcome to my podcast, Leaders and Their Stories. I’m Richard Lowe, the writing king and ghost writing guru. I’m here with Sasha Gorokhov and he has a lot of interesting things to say about how you can achieve everything that you want to achieve. Sasha, take it away.

Born Differently Abled, Told He Would Not Survive

Sascha Gorokhoff: Thank you so much Richard for having me. It’s a pleasure to be here. So a little bit about my backstory. I was born with a disability that should have left me in a wheelchair mentally challenged by the age of seven. When I was born, there was really no way.

There was no path. The path was death. That was in the late seventies. And so There were two options really for me, from the get-go, death or living. And I chose that the first option isn’t an option. So I dismissed this one from a very young age.

remember this and I was always geared and driven towards life. Knowing that the path wouldn’t be easy, because there was no path for the medical community. It was certainty that it would be highly, highly disabled and dead at a very young age. My parents really didn’t know what to do with me. My father, he was a CFO, very successful CFO, but I.

Richard: I’m a successful CFO, we clashed because I wasn’t into numbers and he never got a hang out of understanding how I’m differently abled and how this was actually doing. And my mother suffered from lot of mental health conditions.

Sascha: We clashed because I wasn’t into numbers and he never got a hang out of understanding how I’m differently abled and how this is actually good. And my mother suffered from a lot of mental health conditions. So it was all about her. There was nobody really else in her universe than herself.

So that was not really a support. Got bullied a lot along the way in school. But nevertheless, I found a way. made a way. Several years later at 11 years old, I had my kidneys that were 90, that of a man that’s 90 years old. They told me dialysis, transplant and death before 18.

That didn’t happen. I’m 46, turning 47 this year. Along the way, I was able to overcome all the obstacles that were thrown in my path that were there, be successful in every way. Academically, I hold two bachelor’s that I did in two and a half years instead of four with honours.

I hold a master’s degree from the Harvard Kennedy School equivalent in Europe. I’ve been successful in business. I’ve helped other entrepreneurs be successful. I went into politics where I became a delegate to my city, but also to the country. So really I became successful in every way. And today what I’m doing is I’m turning around and I’m teaching 46 years of life path because there was no choice.

I’m an entrepreneur of life. I had to figure it out early on and I did. And I’m a testimony to that. So. This is why I’m doing what I’m doing. This is a little bit more about my backstory and I’m sure this opens a lot of questions for you.

Richard: Well, we’re fortunate that you’ve persevered and got through all that I’ve known you for Quite a while now and your story is very inspiring One thing that I like to do is when I’m feeling down. my god. I got it so bad You know as I go look at other people and I was watching I remember my stepson was complaining that he couldn’t get anything done.

said, well, you got your legs, you got your arms, you got your brain. And there’s a kid out there who’s playing, we were on walking and there’s a kid right there who’s in a wheelchair, no legs, playing basketball, not special student basketball, but real basketball against people who had legs.

And he was winning. I said, if he can do it, so can you. And you’ve got, you don’t have any disabilities. Well, I got all these mental things. No, you don’t. And, and I take the same attitude. you know, I don’t live in Ukraine where people are shooting at me.

I don’t live in Africa where starving, you know, don’t live in, you know, in a pretty nice neighborhood. it’s, you know, still got my body and my facilities and things making a pretty good income. So yeah, I kind of look at it like. I don’t got a lot to complain about, of course I do. Because that’s human nature.

One Set Goal: Living, and Achieving

Sascha: Well, you know, I think it’s about keeping the complaints to a minimum, if you can. Since a very young age, I found out that I had one set goal and it was living. And not only living, but achieving everything I had set my mind to. Not to prove a point.

I never did anything to prove a point to anybody. I just did because I wanted to. So it’s about really having a clear vision of what you want. And sometimes the vision, well, in my case, when you’re a child, You don’t think 25 years down the road, but even if you have a vision that’s a few days ahead of time, ahead from now or a week or so, that’s enough.

see many, many people who I’ve worked with who have ADHD or ADD, instance, vision is a big word for them and it’s about breaking it down. What is the next step that you can envision that you can hold on to and then go from one step, from one vision to another?

Sometimes it’s going from one mini vision to another mini vision. Sometimes it’s going to a longer vision from a longer to a longer vision. But also, as you’ve said yourself, I was keenly aware because it was really, really, really hammered into my mind, into my brain from a year early age, from the moment I was born, how it should have turned out statistically.

And I’ve always been very keenly aware that my legs are moving. They didn’t stop moving like they predicted it would. It was a reflex. That’s the first thing they said. It would stop because it’s only a reflex. And I’ve always had an attitude of there must be a way, can do, but maybe not the traditional way. So when the system sometimes stood in the way, I had to do things a little bit different.

Differently Abled, Not Disabled

Sascha: and do my way, that’s why I like to refer to differently abled, not disabled, because I don’t really think anybody’s ever did anything. And I’ve never really used my condition as a means to get any favor, because I never saw this this way. Now, it’s always only been recent that my wife last year, 18 months or so ago, convinced me to finally get a disabled placard for the car.

Richard: That’s very good. Right.

Sascha: And I’m only using it when on the days where I feel like, okay, walking is really hard because I’m in so much pain. Otherwise I’ll park on the next spot over and leave it to somebody who might need it more than I do. That’s just my attitude. And as you said, I have been always aware that I at least, even if there was no way, was born in a system, Switzerland, Europe, that allowed me, that supported it in a way that I could achieve things and…

that there are fewer people in front of me than there are behind me. If you want to say this this way, and this has always been my attitude. So in the beginning was mini visions and divisions as I grew older and became more keenly aware of what who I am and what I wanted to do became longer and longer and higher and higher.

It’s about positive attitudes about vision. It is about can do. And yes, we’re all the moments when we’re down. We’re all depressed. Mental health is something to take very seriously.

Always Look for the Silver Lining

Sascha: but always look for the silver lining and I always did that. And again, it’s not a matter of the silver lining whether silver lining is 20 years down the road or five minutes from now. It is about finding it and holding onto it.

Richard: Indeed, Have you ever heard of a guy named John Morrow? He’s quadriplegic. So he can only move his mouth. Yeah, he can move his mouth and that’s it. He owned a company that

Sascha: I have not.

Richard: And he passed away, before he passed away, he was a hundred millionaire. It’s like, wait, this, guy who had all these problems became a hundred millionaire. How’d that happen? Yeah. And he’s got a great story.

Only as Disabled as Through the Eyes of Others

Sascha: Because it’s not about the problems, because it’s only your mindset. As I always like to say, I’m only as disabled as I am through the eyes of others. Others project something on me, but I don’t take it on. And that was something else that I’ve done since early on.

At age, I chose not to read the memo of the medical community. I chose to not take on the projections of my mentally unstable mother. I chose to say, okay, this is their opinion. I humbly disagree and I have a different opinion and I held on to my vision, but always with a sense of humility to always analyze if when people said something, do they have a point?

Never just blanketed it and dismiss it, but think about it, take in what works, but still keep on going onto my vision and knowing that it can be succeeded.

A Force of Good for Others

Richard: Yes, and from what I can see you’ve achieved a lot in your life and that’s that’s fascinating we’re very lucky to have you I know we’re in a lot e-liances together that’s a networking group well they don’t like to call it a networking group but it is a networking group sort of it’s a group of

Sascha: Thank you.

Richard: It’s a group where people get together and learn about each other’s businesses and things like that. And you’re always there. I think you’re in person.

Sascha: I’m in person. I’ve been online a couple of times lately, but I usually want to be there in person. Yes.

Richard: And you’re always a ray of hope and power for the group. it’s always cool to see you there. You’re one of the reasons why I go there is people like you who give a lot to others. And I think that’s important for what you’re talking about is you’re not, you’re a giver. And that’s part of what I think what you do is you learn to give. Am I correct?

Sascha: Thank you. I’ve learned to look, I’ve always learned well learning. I don’t know if it’s been intuitive always because I’m highly intuitive, but I always care about others. I’ve cared about others and I have made a choice to do everything I possibly can to be a force of good and for a force of positivity.

And yes, am I perfect? No. Do I have bad days? Sure. I’m human as well. I have a human experience, but to be a force of positivity and the source of goodness and the and a voice, an uplifting voice for others. That’s important for me because you really have two choices and that’s really something important to understand.

We have to as adults take back our capacity to choose. Yes, it was taken from us when we were born for very good reasons because you shouldn’t leave, let toddlers do whatever they want to do or young children do what they want to do. But Many adults continue then to function this way and let other people make their choices.

A boss, friends, media, whatever it could be. And they live their lives according to those choices and projections. What is really important is take a step back and ask yourself, is that really true about me? Or is that not true? And it was just a projection, an opinion, gaslighting.

Carrying Stuff That Is Not Yours

Sascha: depending on where the person came from mentally and emotionally, but stop to think whether you’re carrying stuff that isn’t yours. And I always like to take the analogy of the airport. When you are at the airport and you arrive somewhere, you’re not going to the conveyor belt and you pick up every suitcase to help everybody and to like carry everything for everybody.

But that’s what we do in life. And that’s what we’ve been projected in life in the first. one and a half to two decades of our lives by our parents, by our families that we haven’t chosen. And then we carry all this stuff that isn’t ours. So it’s really important that you sit down and like let these suitcases go because you’re not doing anybody a favor by carrying their stuff either.

It’s good to support others, but you can’t carry stuff for others. So that’s really a difference. And we have learned to carry so much that weighs us down that doesn’t even belong to us.

Richard: It’s right. And then we become enablers of other people’s problems and that’s always bad. That’s never good. And I’ve been guilty of it myself. I’m sure everybody has. But it’s something that I make strong efforts now when I see it happening. For me, I stop it because I don’t want to enable anybody.

Help them is different. Enable them meaning… What would be a definition of enable or somebody who supports somebody? You tell me.

The Difference Between Support and Enabling

Sascha: Well, I think enabling is supporting somebody to continue in their, in a bad or wrong behavior or going in a wrong direction or doing it for them. Neither one helps them. And there is really a difference between supporting being a supportive presence, maybe give advice, maybe consult. But even in, if you consult professionally, clients still have a choice to do whatever they want to do. And it is not up to you to enable bad or wrong behavioral patterns.

Richard: Yeah, so for example, if you’re working in a company and you notice some manager doing something that’s unethical, but you’re actually enabling them to do that by not reporting it or not taking care of it or not doing what you need to do. Right.

Sascha: and not speaking up. And if you come up with all of the reasons why you’re not speaking up or why this could be a risk for you, but I keep on reminding people that you see yourself at least twice per day, the morning in the mirror and the evening in the mirror.

If you can’t look yourself straight in the eyes, then you have to make some changes. Because at the end of the day, it is not the person you’re enabling that’s gonna carry the weight, it’s you.

Be Your Own Leader First

Sascha: And that’s something that I’ve always also done since a very young age. I’ve understood the concept of leadership intuitively, but first, before you lead others, you lead your own life. You lead yourself. And it is about being your own leader of your own life first. And so many people are waiting to be followers, are waiting for solutions to come, are waiting for people to tell them what to do.

And then they get stuck. It is about taking back that decision power, as I mentioned earlier, that you are making choices. You are making choices for how you view things. You are making choices of whether you see obstacles or you see clear paths. You are making the choice of who you decide you are.

Your I am-ness. How many times do I hear people, whether it’s in a professional setting or in a personal setting, whatever comes after I am is terrible. And then they complain that their lives is equally terrible because there is a correlation between what comes after I am and your life.

And that’s very, important to understand. So when you say I am dependent on that job, I always ask them, you, are you dependent on that one or can you get another one or are there other solutions? And it’s about being solution focused. And I have, for instance, somebody, one of my clients I used to work with, always said, I’m fixing problems.

Guess what? That person got more problems. And I always said, no, you’re bringing solutions. It took a while, but now it’s working. And since then, his business has been taking off. But it’s really be careful.

Focus on Opportunities, Not Fears

Sascha: Focus on the opportunities because there are as many or if not a lot more opportunities than there are actually fears or threats to it. And if you start listing all of the opportunities that are there for you to be a solo entrepreneur compared to a corporate, well, then you start focusing your mind on the positive direction and that will influence your mindset because everything comes down to mindset.

Where is the set point of your mind? Is it on fear? Are you magnetizing fear? Are you magnetizing opportunities? Are you magnetizing threats? Or are you magnetizing wins?

Richard: You’re going to have much more positive outcomes. That doesn’t mean everything’s going to be positive or everything’s going be negative, but that means it’s going to tend that way. I tend to look at life as, you know, pretty good and there’s opportunities for me and I’ll do well.

And I look for the good stuff. And actually I tend to miss the bad stuff sometimes. And that actually has been a problem, but, it’s much better than always looking for the bad stuff. And then the, then you get those people who just whine about everything and that’s just. I’m like, I’m not going to talk to you. Find something positive.

Sascha: And also it is actually having a real negative impact on your life. only in terms of you having a real possibility of experiencing depression, but so it is really important to count your blessings, count your positive, call it whatever you want, but make sure that throughout the day you have moments in time where you stop to focus purposefully on the positive and everything good that’s happening.

The Fine Line Between Victim and Victory

Richard: Make sure that throughout the day… Right. Right. Well, that’s a, that’s a good, a good way to, to end this podcast. so why don’t you sum it all up in, a sentence or two and then tell people how they can get hold of you.

Sascha: Okay. So I would say to people, there is a fine line between victim and victory. That’s a couple of letters and you choose.

Richard: Thanks Very interesting, I like that, I like that. And how can they get hold of you?

Sascha: So they can get hold of me on my website, Sasha, that’s S-A-S-C-H-A dot leadership. That’s my Instagram. On my website, it’s the same thing, sashaleadership.com, but in one word. And somebody go on my Instagram. I have about 20,000 followers there. You can find all the information there if you forgot about my website, Sasha dot leadership Instagram and sashaleadership.com is the website. Thank you for having me. It’s been a great pleasure,

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