Steven Petrow

Steven Petrow is an American journalist and author who has written on manners, aging, health, and LGBTQ life for the New York Times, the Washington Post, and USA Today.

He spent years as the Digital Life columnist for USA Today and wrote the Civilities advice column for the Washington Post, and has published several books on etiquette, including Steven Petrow's Complete Gay and Lesbian Manners. He served as president of the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association.

Stupid Things I Won't Do When I Get Old, published in 2021, began as a New York Times essay listing what he thought his then seventy-something parents were doing wrong: refusing to get their hearing tested, lying about their age, lying to their doctors, holding a house nobody could maintain. The essay drew an enormous response and became a book of forty-three short essays in three sections, covering what he will not do today, tomorrow, and at the end.

What makes the book more than its premise is that his parents both died during the writing. His father declined, his mother developed dementia, and what began as a catalog of criticisms of other people turned into a set of instructions to himself. The tone changes across the sections without the book announcing it, and most books get edited into a consistent voice while this one keeps the seam visible.

The third section is the strongest: not dying without somebody holding your hand, saying you love people and saying goodbye, writing letters to those you leave, and clearing out your house so that nobody has to do it while grieving.

He has also written about his own cancer diagnosis and treatment, and gave a TED talk on what to say and what not to say to somebody who is ill.